You know it's been a heavy weekend when....

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You put on two belts and don't realise for a few hours. That's what a work xmas party, the 12 pubs of christmas and sunday pints will do to you.

As you can see the Blackberry Pearl is all about photo quality.

The Bertie Supremacy

I'm quite happy with my work.

The Drug Problem

Isn't it great to see middle Ireland's moral outcry over the recent spate of dodgy cocaine deaths? You can just see all the Range Rover-driving parents of south Dublin crying out about the druggies, unaware that Fionnán and Eva are burning holes in their noses with Daddy's pocket money. See reading a front page spread about a model that died tragically really takes it home to those who prefer to ignore what they see around them.

The problem with all the sudden publicity is that the outcome of all the 'Primetime Investigates’ shows, tabloid feeding frenzies and broadsheet editorials will be much the same as the solution to the heroin epidemic of the 80's/90's: an ironically quick fix. Patch it up and wait for it to explode again. The government policy for dealing with the heroin problem in Ireland was a widespread methadone treatment programme which admittedly did help drive down drug-related personal crime. But the problem was (and still is) that there were no resources given to treatment centres, or to the social reasons why people become addicts. The current number of residential beds available in Dublin to an estimated 14,500 heroin addicts is a shockingly small 200.

So imagine a heroin addict who has a revelation one day and decides to go clean. He calls into a treatment centre and is told that he'll have to wait about a year before a bed becomes available. What chance does this fella have? None. Well maybe a slight one because there's a massive 28 detox beds too. Wexford Town has one of the highest per-capita heroin addictions in the country, yet to receive methadone a user has to travel to Waterford City. This is due to "respectable" pharmacies that would rather flog Vitamin C tablets and self-tanner than actual medicine. Now what happens when the gardai (who have been blatantly ignoring the issue) start to clamp down on cocaine users - they'll go looking for beds that aren't there too.

From what I saw of the Primetime documentary last night it was another gloriously spurned chance to investigate the social issues that surround drug addiction, and instead a focus on the gangs and the mules that are flooding our country with coke. Why does no-one ever look at the societal reasons: we're a cocky, self-sure and young nation with money to burn and fun to be had? Or the community issues, where the easiest way to forget the shitbox you live in is to get high and have fun. To address the problems you have to look at the cause first and the result last.

But sure what do I know, I'm not a TD who needs to win votes and not embarrass the parents who can give them.

Arsehole of the world?

A British island which claims that it's the remotest island in the world is fucked. Completely fucked.

Many of Tristan de Cunha's 271 residents have developed severe breathing problems due to acute viral asthma. Their one doctor (exactly) has issued an appeal for medical supplies, but it's not as simple as DHL-ing them. The nearest country is St. Helena, but at almost 2,500km away it's not exactly a short hope on the red line. And they've undoubtedly got their own medical issues too, as they are home to the largest per capita Jehovah's Witness population in the world. So no blood transfusions there I guess.

Both of these countries are part of the British "commonwealth", although St. Helena's economy is a disaster since their string and rope processing businesses vanished in the late 60's. Seriously, I didn't make that up. So not a whole lot of aid from the neighbours either. Planes can't land at Tristan de Cunha as there's no airstrip, and boats from Capetown only come every six weeks or so (see schedule here). There's also no guarantee that they can dock because the island is located in the roaring forties. The sea is so mental down there that there's an uninhabited neighbouring island called "Inacessible Island". Even the tourism pages mention the "rapid changes" in weather.

So you've got viral asthma, there's no medicine and only one doctor for 270 people. Your nearest neighbours are 2,500km away and are idiots (Jehovas Witnesses), your next possible visit from the outside world is January 16th - and that's providing the boat can get close. As I said earlier, fucked.

Take a look at the wiki for the island though - it's got a crazy story from the small gene pool (only eight surnames), to plagues of rats that destroyed crops, invasion by American confederate cruisers, volcanic eruptions, atomic bomb testing (that the islanders were never told about) and a serious lack of alcohol.

I want one

It can display the word "idiot". Sold.

Gizza teeebahg

Let's all join in and send the prick a teabag

Dig Out Day, December 7th

The good news

Feeling evangelical? Want to convince your neighbours that the earth is only 8,000 years old? Yes, I know that conventional geology says that that's about how long it takes to form an inch of limestone, never mind everything. The big problem though is that even after you've added up the ages of all the people in the bible and remembered to take everything in it literally, there's still usually a few snags - ummm fossils are one. Oh yeah and dinosaur bones. Erosion too.

Luckily enough for 100 million+ people worldwide who do believe that the world is less than 10,000 years olf there are now 'creatonist geologists', who are trying to fit the story of Noah's Ark around the planet's history, regularily ignoring carbon-dated evidence and people with brains ("heathens"). There's a book called "The Genesis Flood", in which a relatively obscure, century-old theory of Noah’s flood as the most violent catastrophe in earth history was succesfully revived. The flood - apparently - warped the normal geological processes and caused rapid transformations. Water from the skies and from within the earth (“the floodgates of heaven”) slammed into the oceans, killing the sea creatures and covering the “high mountains,” as it said - apparently - in Genesis. For months afterward, the planet convulsed with earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanoes. After a brief ice age, the earth became the ecosystem we know today. Apparently. Continents shifted; the water receded; the animals left the ark and spread over the earth.

One question. Just how big was this ark? If it fitted two of every creature in the world it would have used Titanic sized boats for liferaft. So far science has identified over 2 million species that live on earth, with many believing that there is in the region of 30 million. Now if we take the creatonists view that evolution does not happen, we have to believe that every creature that's here now, was here then. So that's 30 million creatures, in pairs. 60 million. On a boat.

Well excitingly enough this list below will help you illustrate what actually happened over the course of Noah's flood, explaining away evolution of both animals and humans. Now some might say that forty days and nights is not long enough but hey, we all saw what happened in the first seven days! And 'he' even rested for one of them, so there!

All wine and no house

Ahh poor oul' Amy, she's had to go and cancel all of the remaining shows on her tour because she can't deal with being away from that guy whose surname sounds like a syndrome.

In reality though it's no wonder she's completely fucked - aside from having a pretty meteoric drinking problem (she makes Dudley Moore look like a fucking pioneer), she's been taking daily advice from Pete Doherty.

What kind of daft bint - irrespective of level of pollutedness - would listen to that mangled twat? And what advice could he possibly give? Take up smack, it gives you cool rings under your eyes?

Embarassed?

Norn Iron (seen here celebrating winning a corner kick against Iceland) are now ranked above us in the soccer standings. That's nearly as embarassing as being in the car with your racist dad when he's being interviewed by CNN. Or nearly as embarassing as realizing you're on this website. And being Tagg Romney.

It is just me, or does this not make any sense?

Was down the tax office this morning getting the motor sorted out. Don't worry, I'm not going to go on about taxes as it's not exactly entertaining. Maybe I'm assuming too much that other things I write about are entertaining...

Anyway the thing is I was wondering what all the different tax classes were, so I downloaded the full "motor vehicle rates of duty" document, and came across this tax band:

- Island Vehicles: €78

Island vehicles?!? Last time I checked, Ireland was an island. According to the Jameson Distillery tour video, it's "Ireland: an island, off an island, off the coast of Europe." It's surrounded by water. It's got indigenous stuff like flowers, wild animals (residents of Limerick City) and tinkers that aren't found anywhere else in the world. According to wikipedia, Ireland is the third largest island in Europe. I also looked at the CIA factbook and they mentioned our island status. However they also said that the "cabinet is appointed by the president with previous nomination by the prime minister and approval of the House of Representatives ", so maybe they're not the most trustworthy source. Eitherways, these mysterious "island" people should have the "mainland" power cut off until they start paying their way. Knackers.