Weirdest website ever

Check out this mania. Ok so it looks like a
Hollywood interpretation of what a 1990's computer virus looks like.

It took a little while to figure out what the hell it's all about. Apparently it's "html art" and this guy Michael Guidetti designed (?) the site (see original pic, right) before coding it in an epic html splurge.

Mad gear.

Gumtree? Bumfree?

The Sunday Tribune this week recommended a look at Gumtree's "Freebie" section for tons of great stuff that was, well, free. I've just had a look, and it's a veritable cornucopia of delights alright. Nearly every listing is stuff that's wanted as opposed to offered, but here's my favourites with "spelling" intact:

Manakins bodyforms for art projects (Navan)
Common as muck these days, although I wonder what they answer would be if you replied with the offer of 72 mannequin heads?

need chest of draw, is an emergency (tallaght)
I'm not entirely sure why this clichéd chinaman thinks the word emergency should be associated with folded jumpers

Stetescope (Meath or Dublin)
With the price of GP fees nowadays who'd blame you wanting to self-diagnose major heart problems?

Valentines Gift Idea

Everybody loves animals, and it's a dream of just about everybody I've ever met to have an animal head nailed to their study wall. It just oozes class. Unfortunately at this time of political correctness, it's no longer considered the done thing to go out with a high-powered assault rifle and take down a endangered animal.

Thankfully Merikay MacKenna has just the solution - stuffed fake animal head sculptures. Not only can this wonderful artist recreate your favourite animal's head (listed by continent of extraction no less), she can also whip together fantasy creatures and dinosaurs. My faves - which were a real tough list to pick - are listed below:

Unicorn: with braided metallic hair, gold plastic horn and pink hand-painted nostrils

Gorilla: this mighty creature comes in a frame replete with rubber foliage


Pig: I cannot make this any funnier (click image to make bigger and laugh more)

The great thing about the internet is that this crazy lady would have sat in obscurity for her whole life without a website, but now she's running a questionable business due to her questionable talent. So next time you can't think of the ideal gift, think of the ideal stuffed fake animal head sculpture and send that instead.

Arsehole of the world?

A British island which claims that it's the remotest island in the world is fucked. Completely fucked.

Many of Tristan de Cunha's 271 residents have developed severe breathing problems due to acute viral asthma. Their one doctor (exactly) has issued an appeal for medical supplies, but it's not as simple as DHL-ing them. The nearest country is St. Helena, but at almost 2,500km away it's not exactly a short hope on the red line. And they've undoubtedly got their own medical issues too, as they are home to the largest per capita Jehovah's Witness population in the world. So no blood transfusions there I guess.

Both of these countries are part of the British "commonwealth", although St. Helena's economy is a disaster since their string and rope processing businesses vanished in the late 60's. Seriously, I didn't make that up. So not a whole lot of aid from the neighbours either. Planes can't land at Tristan de Cunha as there's no airstrip, and boats from Capetown only come every six weeks or so (see schedule here). There's also no guarantee that they can dock because the island is located in the roaring forties. The sea is so mental down there that there's an uninhabited neighbouring island called "Inacessible Island". Even the tourism pages mention the "rapid changes" in weather.

So you've got viral asthma, there's no medicine and only one doctor for 270 people. Your nearest neighbours are 2,500km away and are idiots (Jehovas Witnesses), your next possible visit from the outside world is January 16th - and that's providing the boat can get close. As I said earlier, fucked.

Take a look at the wiki for the island though - it's got a crazy story from the small gene pool (only eight surnames), to plagues of rats that destroyed crops, invasion by American confederate cruisers, volcanic eruptions, atomic bomb testing (that the islanders were never told about) and a serious lack of alcohol.

All wine and no house

Ahh poor oul' Amy, she's had to go and cancel all of the remaining shows on her tour because she can't deal with being away from that guy whose surname sounds like a syndrome.

In reality though it's no wonder she's completely fucked - aside from having a pretty meteoric drinking problem (she makes Dudley Moore look like a fucking pioneer), she's been taking daily advice from Pete Doherty.

What kind of daft bint - irrespective of level of pollutedness - would listen to that mangled twat? And what advice could he possibly give? Take up smack, it gives you cool rings under your eyes?

"Ordinary Christians"

Some bunch of nutters have barricaded themselves into a cave in Western Russia, apparently awaiting another end-of-the-world scenario. They've armed themselves with explosives and a gas tank, and will commit suicide if the cops try to intervene. Yeah that should scare off the authorities...they're Russian. Does Beslan ring a bell? What about that theater in Moscow?

The end of the world is going to happen sometime next May by the way. So for some reason the bossman decided that they should spend all winter in a cave in sub-zero temperatures. As with all religious leaders, their spiritual guide Pyotr Kuznetsov is leading by example and not living in the cave. This legend was diagnosed with schizophrenia and has been sleeping in a coffin for the last few months. Now that's a guy who's hands you want to put your life in.

The reports from Russian media are fantastic - it's hard to know whats true as they heavily censor media and they are a nation of crazies, but there are some classic quotes. "They are ordinary Christians, they just don't accept tax numbers and passports" said Father Georgy, the local priest. Well it's hardly worth killing yourself and a bunch of kids over it, is it? Apparently a lot of people in Russia have refused their new identification numbers as they contain "satanic combinations of numbers" - yeah it's called a taxable identity. Welcome to the west.

As usual with the Russian authorities, useful information is at a premium: "Their supplies include half a ton of honey and a lot of jam," says Alevtina Volchkova, chief prosecutor of Bekovsky district. And we all know what those sick bastards could do with honey and jam... feel free to pun away about sticky situations and the like, but I'm so above that.

My favourite though is this nugget: "Attempts to coax them out of the cave or at least to release the children have been unsuccessful as the sect members have taken a vow of silence". Brilliant. Creating your own Catch-22. Maybe that should read .22 ...

Well I guess they've tried the politically correct way of police negotiations, it's probably not too long before we see the more 'explosive' style of negotiation that the Russian army prides herself in.

Game Over.