Monday, July 28, 2008

Olympics getting closer as is certain death for misbehaving fans

Lifted directly from the Bejing 2008 website:

Like the Five Olympic Rings from which they draw their color and inspiration, Fuwa will serve as the Official Mascots of Beijing 2008 Olympic Games, carrying a message of friendship and peace -- and good wishes from China -- to children all over the world.


Example 1: "Friendship"


Example 2: "Peace" (yes that is a surface to air missile launcher)

Example 3: "Good Wishes from China"

Segway-riding, armour plated police replete with small guns so they don't fall off their segways. Wasn't this in a comedy?


On a Monday morning too! Disgraceful.

Click here

Friday, July 18, 2008

Friday Image

Continuing the theme and also raiding b3ta's Image Challenge - these are from their 'Ronseal Plots' series: Imagine a world where movies and books are titled like Ronseal products, with everything turning out exactly as it says on the tin. Then turn it into a lovely picture on the internet.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Can you feel the disgust?

I didn't make it Oxegen this year, but I did hear about some daft bint who climbed one of the support struts in a tent during MGMTs show. They had to stop playing for ages to coax the attention seeking muppet down. A few videos of the incident have appeared on youtube, but nothing captures the wrath and complete hate that she faced as this one:



I was at Oxegen a few years back watching WuTang Clan outside in the rain and someone climbed up the sound tent. Nobody gave a toss.

Lemony Snickets

Rosa Klebb, Nike Spokewoman

London's stab happy teens are out of control, with 53 deaths this year alone. It's an issue that everyone is aware of, and even the dog on the street has commented about it.

However, the fucktard marketers over at Nike missed it completely and have had to pull a range of sneakers from their flagship NikeTown London store due to their slightly insensitive name: Air Stab.

This beautifully titled shoe is from a limited edition range, which two years ago featured the line "runnin' and gunnin' on the inner lining. A spokesman for Nike said the name for the running shoes came from stability, and had nothing to do with knives. Yeah just like gunning had to do with Gunter von Hagens, the controversial anatomist who invented the technique for preserving biological tissue.

He said the retro range, which was only sold in the central London store, was "an unfortunate coincidence timing-wise". It's just a pity that some kids had to go and kill some other kids, putting back the launch of their highly anticipated sneaker. Now nobody gets the sneakers, which by the way are the ugliest sneakers I've seen since these hideous troll boots:





Totally Looks Like...

From those humourbots who brought you I Can Has Cheezburger and the partially funny website GraphJam comes their new, also partially funny website: Totally Looks Like.

Expect this to get big, especially when there is gold like this:


In related news, Nicolas Sarkozy looks like a dick.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Proof that squirrels are not cute

See, underneath all that bushy-tailed nut-nibbling cuteness is a dirty, rabies-carrying, baby-stealing rodent. Here's a link to squirrel recipes. My favourite is the "Squirrel Bog" - 4 boiled squirrels with sausage, carrots, celery and rice thats all cooked until "boggy". I'm not entirely sure that any food's consistency should be "boggy".


Hideous animal.

Google Trends shows me I've gone into internets recession

For those of you who haven't heard of Google Trends, it's a pretty cool tool that allows you to see what's popular in the world of internet searches.

I've just realised how sad that sounds. "...the world of internet searches"

Anyway it's a good way to lose a morning finding out what the world's most popular current searches are. So I took a look this morning and this is what I see:

I've just realised how far away from the pulse of internet culture I am. Defeating the purpose of Google Trends, I had to go and google some of the terms just to find out what they were...

1: iv real - still don't know what it means. Even the related searches bit doesn't make any sense
2: betty hutton - a 1950's American singer and actress
3: edgar casey - a misspelt search for Edgar Cayce, noted 1920's medium
4: pilobolus - a Connecticut based group of dancer-athletes
5: iphone 2.0 update - I've heard of this one
6: oe cake - from someone elses blog: "OE-Cake is just a demo of the octave engine." Fact.
7: boondock saints - A movie. A good one too apparently.
8: ladyboy luvin - Apple fanboy popular search while waiting for updates...
9: ipod touch 2.0 update - *Yawn*
10: spokane news - Spokane is a small town in Washington, USA. So I guess it's a search for news from Spokane.

It seems that Web 2.0 (or is it 3.0 now?) is a very different place compared to the tubes that I knew. I would have thought the list would look like this:

Porn, Torrent, Jesus, Conspiracy, Jihad, World of Warcraft, Obama.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Beautiful words cannot make our lives better

Where do they get the guy to do these voiceovers? I mean if I had a voice that dramatic I wouldn't be wasting it on ad voiceovers, I'd be running for prez myself. You could seriously influence people with a voice that believable.

"It was a time of hope, uncertainty and change - the summer of love... Half a world away, another kind of love... of country..."

It's quite a poetic account of the war which brought us carpet-bombing and Agent Orange, but hey there's an image to be sold. First he's gonna tell you what you don't wanna hear, and then he's gonna do what you don't want done. Straight talk - from his ass to your ears...



Friday, July 4, 2008

Friday Image

Maybe this will be a new thing, where I can get around not having anything to say by just posting a potentially funny image on a Friday. This is quality though.
Robbed from b3ta.com without permission and without a care in the world

Winehouse not even funny anymore

So Amy Winehouse played two gigs last weekend - Friday it was ould Nelson Mandela's 140th birthday and then Saturday she was the penultimate act on Glastonbury's main stage. Now I've alluded before here that I think she's a spazmod, and she certainly proved it last weekend. In fact she outdid herself in the pantheon of royal fuck ups.

So first off at Mandela's birthday shes changed the words of "Free Nelson Mandela" to "Free Blakey My Fella" because his junkie self is more important than one of the most inspirational figures of the last century. However, at least she was quasi-sober.

Then she went to Glastonbury, got completely out of her face before going on stage and proceeded to give the shittest and saddest gig since the last time that Simply Red played live. She rambled and slurred her way through songs, made no sense at all, stopped a song because she couldn't "hear" the count-in, and then decked someone in the crowd. Oh yeah and she called Kanye West a cock for some reason. That one I appreciate though.

Now we all used to think Amy's highjinks were funny in a rock and roll way, and that the crazy haristyle was "edgy". How cold is the reality though: she's a junk loving mentalist that's got a TB-carrying badger living on her head.

Anyway I've lost my train of thought and am going tangental here - the lost and found cache from Glasto is a classic. Aside from the usual haul of mobile phones, wallets and other crap were a piano, a prosthetic leg and a barrister's wig. Sounds like props from McCartney and Mills' divorce case. Special mention however for the worst German ever: how efficient is it to leave your passport behind???