Lemony Snickets

Rosa Klebb, Nike Spokewoman

London's stab happy teens are out of control, with 53 deaths this year alone. It's an issue that everyone is aware of, and even the dog on the street has commented about it.

However, the fucktard marketers over at Nike missed it completely and have had to pull a range of sneakers from their flagship NikeTown London store due to their slightly insensitive name: Air Stab.

This beautifully titled shoe is from a limited edition range, which two years ago featured the line "runnin' and gunnin' on the inner lining. A spokesman for Nike said the name for the running shoes came from stability, and had nothing to do with knives. Yeah just like gunning had to do with Gunter von Hagens, the controversial anatomist who invented the technique for preserving biological tissue.

He said the retro range, which was only sold in the central London store, was "an unfortunate coincidence timing-wise". It's just a pity that some kids had to go and kill some other kids, putting back the launch of their highly anticipated sneaker. Now nobody gets the sneakers, which by the way are the ugliest sneakers I've seen since these hideous troll boots: