Friday, February 29, 2008

Sniff sniff

It's sad really - the program that started this all (friendster, Perez Hilton, paddypowerpoker) has passed away quietly during the night, almost entirely forgotten by seasoned net users and virtually unknown to web 2.0 users. Reminds me a bit of Tommy Flowers really. Saved the world and no-one remembers his name. Congrats to Firefox and Hollywood. Where's the appropriate legacy?

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Robbing Bastards

You try to do something nice, like buy tickets to a gig for your brother who lives in a different country. But you hate Ticketbastard and their imposed ticketopoly, so decide to use a smaller competitor.

Not so fast open-marketeer! The set of tickets you want from the competitor can't be bought because they only allow the following ticket delivery methods:

1. Post - they only post to billing address, and don't post outside of the US. No dice.
2. Will Call - (the gig goer collects from the box office) you need the credit card used to make the purchase plus a passport/drivers licence of purchaser to collect. No dice.

No wonder that the half-arsed alternative to Ticketbastard is getting squeezed out - they're crap. They have tickets, but you can't buy them.

So I go sod it, I'll use that other shower and buy some other second-string choice. Find some tickets, go to buy and the ticket price magically increases by 50% - all of a sudden there's charges for Building Facility and Order Processing. They have the gall to include a Convenience Charge, but I fail to see the convenience in being robbed by a dirty shower of rats. You have to applaud the neck on them to impose a $2.50 charge per ticket for TicketFast, where you can print the tickets yourself in the comfort of your own home, transferring the ink/paper/time/electricity and associated administrative costs to you, the customer. Beautiful.


So sorry, but nobody's getting presents of tickets from me. Ever.

It's Getting Bumpy

The Green Scene

I'm one of the gullible fools who voted in the Green Party into government last year. I'm far from happy. The insistence on hiding behind the Mahon Tribunal and refusing to comment on Bertie's shenanigans is grating. Cast your mind back if you will to the heady days of Gormley, Ryan and Sargent in opposition - in the run up to the election last year they were one of the most vociferous voices against Bertie & his cronies. I distinctly remember phrases like "the most corrupt party in western Europe" being slung across the Dail floor, but now all we're hearing is how cabbage is in season now and is a great source of vitamin whogivesafuck (Trevor Sargent press release from yesterday).

I heard 'Minister for Copper Wire Telecoms' Eamon Ryan on Matt Cooper yesterday evening and it was close to denial. He refused to be drawn on the simple question of whether or not he believed Bertie's evidence. "I'm not in a position to give you my opinion on every news story that pops up without knowing the full facts" he said, like this was some story about a dog with five legs or something. It's a "news story" that effects the very moral fibre of democracy in this country! I'm sorry Eamon, but no amount of energy saving lightbulbs or extra insulation in new build housing will get you off the hook for being complicit in the biggest scandal in Irish politics since Charlie robbed money from his good friend Brian Lenihan's liver transplant fund to buy more French shirts.

Grow a spine - whether through solar power or whatever means necessary - and do the right thing.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

You've got to be kidding me

For a long time I've thought that Cristiano Ronaldo is a twit. In fact, since the very first time I saw him dive on the ground after being manhandled by an imaginary assailant, then roll in agony after being shot by an imaginary sniper I've pretty much thought that he stands for everything that is wrong in soccer. He's a diving, cheating little fucktard.

Well finally someone has figured out a way to take him down. United were away to Lyon in the Champions League last night, and Ronaldo was the victim of a "laser attack". Somebody snuck in what I presume was a flesh-burning laser gun similar to the type found in Sean Connery-era Bond movies. Or it came from the Death Star. Either way it's pretty impressive, and certainly a novel way to rid the world of Ronaldo's gymnastics.

According to the story on BBC, Ronaldo was "targeted by a laser beam", but somehow "had no ill effects in the game." But how could a laser cause no harm? Did he wear armour? Or did he acrobatically avoid the lasers and take out Blofeld or whoever was behind the nasty plot?

You have to read the BBC's story to see the ludicrousity of the situation. A grown man was targeted by a laser pen. A laser pen. I'll say it once more: A LASER PEN. No sir, I am no longer a fan of that sport.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Stinger...

...if you bought a HD DVD unit, because you might as well have given the money to the HSE for all the use it'll be within a few months. HD DVD, welcome to the world of technological limbo.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A waste of nanotime

Some bunch of scientists have invented nanowires, a fibrous material that if stitched into your clothes can generate power to charge devices like an iPod, a mobile phone or an electric screwdriver - if that was your want.

What I find incredible is that in an age of fuel shortages and energy crises, there are people working on this bullshit. Honestly, is a plug in charger that cumbersome that it needs to be circumnavigated in the race for technological nirvana? "Sorry world but the bad news is that we've no fossil fuels left. The good news however, is that we've figured out a way to let you charge your mp3 player while walking. Onward and upward!"

In related news, there is still no cure for the common cold.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Valentines Gift Idea

Everybody loves animals, and it's a dream of just about everybody I've ever met to have an animal head nailed to their study wall. It just oozes class. Unfortunately at this time of political correctness, it's no longer considered the done thing to go out with a high-powered assault rifle and take down a endangered animal.

Thankfully Merikay MacKenna has just the solution - stuffed fake animal head sculptures. Not only can this wonderful artist recreate your favourite animal's head (listed by continent of extraction no less), she can also whip together fantasy creatures and dinosaurs. My faves - which were a real tough list to pick - are listed below:


Unicorn: with braided metallic hair, gold plastic horn and pink hand-painted nostrils

Gorilla: this mighty creature comes in a frame replete with rubber foliage


Pig: I cannot make this any funnier (click image to make bigger and laugh more)

The great thing about the internet is that this crazy lady would have sat in obscurity for her whole life without a website, but now she's running a questionable business due to her questionable talent. So next time you can't think of the ideal gift, think of the ideal stuffed fake animal head sculpture and send that instead.


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Bad Move

Unlawful, unconstitutional, an infringement of civil liberities, an infrigement of data protection legislation and absolutely impossible anyway. It's the equivalent of asking An Post to open every single envelope, parcel and package that they handle.

That's not important though, because the UK government are planning to make ISPs inspect every single packet that they handle to catch those pesky downloaders (pictured, right).

Policing the net. Best of luck there guys.




Soviet PR Specialist now employed by FAI

The Mounties always get their man. And the FAI get...somebody at some point or another who might not speak English. Basically whoever runs away the least farthest is most attractive I suppose.

Well it looks like we've finally trapped someone and blackmailed them into becoming the new Irish soccer manager. Giovanni Trapattoni has been lured away from the ahem, high profile coaching job at Red Bull Salzburg. He's well known for his brand of defensive football, which is great seeing as we have such defensive luminaries as John O'Shea and Ian Harte (still listed in Irish squad on www.fai.ie) in our squad. Considering the fact that he doesn't have a whole load of English it's just as well that he's got that whole body language thing sorted out - it might come in handy when his interpreter can't translate whatever language it is Robbie Keane speaks:


Speaking of the FAI website, there's some classic back-slapping and pretty generous write-ups for the squad:

IAN HARTE:
"Ian wil
(that's not my mistake) not be 30 until August, 2007, (or is that) but it seems like dead ball expert Ian Harte has been around for ever."
Too right he's been around for ever, and he's been shit forever too.

GARY DOHERTY:
"Gary is a real Mr. Versatile who is equally at home in defence or attack."
Gary is a real Mr. Potato Head who is more at home anywhere that is not a football field.

JOHN O'SHEA:
"Was impressive at centre-back against Wales in UEFA Championship in November, 2007."
Was impressive against a side ranked 58th in the world who only fielded one striker and were playing for pride and nothing else.

KEVIN KILBANE:
"...his honest hard work help make him an invaluable versatile addition to Ireland's team...powered home a header in the away match to San Marino in February 2007."
Less. Said. The. Better.

It's good to know that somebody rates them anyway...

Friday, February 8, 2008

Wasting of government mindspace

Donie Cassidy: Minister for Transport, Toytown


Leader of the Seanad, and regular contributor of rubbish Donie Cassidy believes we should put a 80km/ph speed limit on foreign drivers. That includes immigrants, migrants, tourists and anyone who doesn't happen to be from Ireland. Apparently we should also look at changing the side of the road we drive on, because that's really easy to do. Sure we could alternate for a while to get a feeling for it before we made the move to the right permanently.

We can't even regulate the existing bloody limit, how does he think we could police a whole seperate limit for 10% of the population? Maybe we should microchip all the foreigners when they enter, then the gardai's "radars" could tell them if an approaching car was controlled by a feckless foreigner. All we'd have to do is change the constitution in a few places, sure we could do that the same day we're doing that thing about Lisbon - lash it all in together, confuse people. it works.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Superbowl of cereal


Big dail debate on cystic fibrosis following weeks of media uproar - where is Mary Harney? At the superbowl, and that's not on official business either. No fucking wonder we're all dying on trollies.

Friday, February 1, 2008

I've got your Barack brother

Another homoerotic hero has opened his big muscular mouth and put his hat in the "ring" to back a presidential candidate. Following on from Chuck Norris (Huckabee), Sylvester Stallone (McCain) and Arnold Schwarznegger (McCain also), the Hulkster is now backing O'Bama all the way to the White House.

Not since the pro-wrestler and Predator star Jesse Ventura's succesful bid to become Minnesota governor has there been so many anabolics in politics. It almost rhymed, you've to give me that.